I’ll admit it, I’m not a big fan of Taylor Swift. Right now
many of you are thinking, “I’m not alone! Me too!” while others are shocked to
find out that ANYONE doesn’t love her. But recently, I have found myself
singing along with her latest hit, and even humming it at my desk. It’s catchy,
and bubbly, and it really does want to make you just forget about all those
that put you down, and shake it off.
But it also has made me think about all those things I just
can’t shake off. Those times that haunt me. Those words that someone said about
me that I continue to fight against, but still believe to be true. The time
someone treated me badly, and I still believe that I deserve it. All of those
tapes that play over and over in my head. All those things I can’t seem to
shake, no matter how hard I try.
Those thoughts have the ability to take me to a sad, dark
place. It’s in that place that I am fat and unworthy of being loved, where
friends can be enemies and unkind words are true. Where I am abandoned and left
alone. It’s that place where I am not good enough, and I will never be enough.
And the tapes play on and on…
And it’s a hard cycle to break. Sometimes I put on a happy
face, and move on with life, but that’s not real. The only thing that can stop
the tapes is remembering who I really am. God tells me I am beautiful. He says
that I am a treasure. He calls beloved. And He not only loves me, but really
likes me, too. And while I may never be able
to fully believe all those things that God says I am, that doesn’t make them
less true. And each of them makes the tapes that play in my head a little
harder to believe, and a little easier to shake off.
Nicole Gilbert works
at flatirons as a goat wrangler. She enjoys spending time with friends, a
really good restaurant, and having her hair played with.
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