I’ll admit it, I’m not a big fan of Taylor Swift. Right now many of you are thinking, “I’m not alone! Me too!” while others are shocked to find out that ANYONE doesn’t love her. But recently, I have found myself singing along with her latest hit, and even humming it at my desk. It’s catchy, and bubbly, and it really does want to make you just forget about all those that put you down, and shake it off.
But it also has made me think about all those things I just can’t shake off. Those times that haunt me. Those words that someone said about me that I continue to fight against, but still believe to be true. The time someone treated me badly, and I still believe that I deserve it. All of those tapes that play over and over in my head. All those things I can’t seem to shake, no matter how hard I try.
Those thoughts have the ability to take me to a sad, dark place. It’s in that place that I am fat and unworthy of being loved, where friends can be enemies and unkind words are true. Where I am abandoned and left alone. It’s that place where I am not good enough, and I will never be enough. And the tapes play on and on…
And it’s a hard cycle to break. Sometimes I put on a happy face, and move on with life, but that’s not real. The only thing that can stop the tapes is remembering who I really am. God tells me I am beautiful. He says that I am a treasure. He calls beloved. And He not only loves me, but really likes me, too. And while I may never be able to fully believe all those things that God says I am, that doesn’t make them less true. And each of them makes the tapes that play in my head a little harder to believe, and a little easier to shake off.
Nicole Gilbert works at flatirons as a goat wrangler. She enjoys spending time with friends, a really good restaurant, and having her hair played with.