I have depression and currently, nothing is working to fix it. The people closest to me do their best to love me well, but I still have a deep heartache that words don’t seem to accurately describe. I feel like I am on a boat in the middle of the ocean, waves crashing all around, wind terrorizing my sails and my boat isn’t sturdy enough to handle the storm. It feels like a matter of time before the storm gets the best of me and I’m lost at sea. No boat, no paddle, no way home.
However, I think God is teaching me a very valuable lesson. All this time, I thought I was “off track” for struggling. “I shouldn’t be feeling this way because I love Jesus,” I'd tell myself. But that’s just it, Jesus came for the struggle. He came for those times when we feel lost at sea without a paddle. He came for the times when we are so tired from treading water that allowing the storm to eat you alive seems attractive. We are not “off track” because we struggle; turning to Him in our times of struggle is what makes us “on track”. Of course He has the power to pull us out of our pits when we’ve hit rock bottom, but He is also so gracious about sitting with us in our pits and acknowledging that pain that we are in. He never said that we won't have struggles, in fact, He ensures us that we will, but He does promise to tread water with us, and give us the strength to find shore.
Ana Methuselah has been attending Flatirons for the last 11 years. She enjoys long walks to the fridge and donuts whenever possible, is terrified of cows and will be attending the University of Hawaii in the fall.