Wednesday, December 9, 2015

The Bruised, Battered and Broken Parts of My Life...

...are being transformed into some of the most important and influential parts of my life!
How did I end up here?
I have struggled my whole life with feeling inadequate, like my story doesn't really matter and isn't important in the grand scheme of things. Who cares what I have to say? I was recently part of a small group that tackled this very issue in women’s lives. A certain amount of humility in knowing I'm not the center of the universe is absolutely essential. The problem comes when my self-esteem is low and I’m feeling down on myself. That feeling is directly from the enemy. Our Father has told us we are royalty, saints, co-heirs with Jesus, redeemed and free. We have no reason to feel inadequate; He is all we need and we are made complete in Him alone. The sharing of the women's testimonies proved that truth and grace changed my life. It has been a process of God performing small heart-changes leading up to this particular group that allowed their words to fall on fertile soil in my heart.
I can finally see how God could possibly use the worst parts of my life to make a difference.

If you know me at all, you'll know that some of those situations in my life have seemed so grim, like they would never be eligible for redemption. However, I can tell you that I now refuse to let my experiences and tribulations go in vain for one more minute. I am finally ready to accept who I am in God, knowing that it's okay to have had a past I am not proud of. People like me are exactly why He came and are the ones He can transform and use to go into the dark places. Places that "good" Christians won't dare travel because that type of sin or way of life is just "too despicable." 

God rescued us from dead-end alleys and dark dungeons. He’s set us up in the kingdom of the Son he loves so much, the Son who got us out of the pit we were in, got rid of the sins we were doomed to keep repeating. Colossians 1:13-14 (MSG)

My story allows me to empathize with and understand people that otherwise wouldn't get to hear the beautiful message of Truth and Grace. I can't tell you how many times God has put the exact right person in front of me to speak truth into my life, because He knew I wouldn't listen to someone else that hadn't gone through similar experiences. I am eternally grateful that there were people in my life that never stopped showing me and pointing me towards the real Jesus, even when I was in the bottom of the pit getting exactly what I deserved out of life. I was so unlovable during those times, yet God always provided what I needed, when I needed it as well as who I needed, when I needed them most.

I'm tired of ignoring God's will for my life and making decisions on my own. I don't have a great track record for decision making and Jesus' is spotless, so I'm looking to Him for my orders now. I will share my story again and again, without shame or fear, because even if it only helps one other woman, it is worth it. I can speak openly and honestly in hopes that my words and story will connect with someone else, pointing towards Jesus as the only way I had and continue to have a chance of abundant life, in this life.

So, during my morning devotions, I have started talking with the Lord about these questions:
  • Where do you want me to go today?
  • Who can I be Jesus to today?
  • How can I demonstrate to someone else the overwhelming love that God has for us?
  • What am I doing today to point my life towards Jesus? Everything I do, I now do for Him. Everything I say, I now say in His name, as a representative and ambassador of The King.
My final prayer has gone something like: "Lord, please allow me to hear you clearly today and to understand what it is you would like for me to do. I want to be fully connected to you throughout the day as to not miss one opportunity you have prepared for me."

If you have also struggled with feeling like your experiences don't matter or felt like there is no way any good can come from a certain situation in your life, take heart! I am proof that a life that was once destroyed can be renewed, built stronger and more beautiful in the end.

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” - Jesus. John 16:33 (ESV)

Savanah is a mom to two sweet kiddos and enjoys gardening, writing, spending time with family and curling up with a good book & a hot cup o’ joe!

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